Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
