I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
