I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm having to shit out rocks
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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