seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
