you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
