You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
