idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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