I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
