bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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