I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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