I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Small penises have feelings too.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
