it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I cockslap morals
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
