Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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