I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
