I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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