WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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