Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
smell my finger.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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