I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize