Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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