Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
