He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
