You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
