There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
