I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
