PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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