....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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