i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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