i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
