Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
