Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
