Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
