Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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