Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize