Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.