Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
