my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
