pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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