Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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