i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
