last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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