The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
