**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
