its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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