How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
