I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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