I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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