Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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