i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
