Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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