One girl and one boy is just not enough.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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