i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
