So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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