just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
