OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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