I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
